Some Words of Advice for people struggling to come out

So great to hear from you and more so what an honor that you would think of me in a time like this. First off, let me say that life is relative....yeah yeah, seems simple, but what I mean is that every persons experience is going to be different. Every person's life experiences contribute to the way in which they view the world. So my first recomendation is to acknowledge that you're friends circumstance can best be understand through your friend himself. He will know ultimately I hope what his family will do, and you and him will know you're friends and how they will respond. I have to say that from personal experience that I have had a unbelievable ammount of support and have been very fortunate in my life to have such wonderful friends as your entire family as well as all of my other friends and family who all truly care about me. Then, on top of that, remember that for your friend, it took however many years to come to terms with who he really was, and so to expect everyone around him to suddenly understand completely what he has been living with for all of these years can and is very scary and challenging some times. So for your friend my hope is that he may learn patience and most of all forgiveness. Understandting that not everyone may get it at first, more so some may be cruel and hurtful, but if he can remember who he is, and why it is those people are important to him, then he can forgive more easily. The biggest thing however, is always to remember that benig gay is simply a PART of who a person is. A part, and that for us to reduce ourselves down to what we are, rather than who we are deminishes our purpose in life. On top of that, for others to reduce us down to what we are, rather than to see us for who we are is also taking away our humanity. Remember that sexual orientation is not just about sex. In fact it is far from it. It is about love. It is about emotion and our interconnectedness. One must ask themselves.....when two human beings love each other, what is so aweful about that? Whether it be two men, two women, or a man and a woman? Then ask what is love exactly? Is it simply the act of sex? Or is it more those small little moments in life that we all cherish. Laughter, tears, laying in a field and staring at the stars, growing old together, living life togheter, being together. Its an emotion. Its not just lust. Lust does not encompas love, but LOVE can encompas lust. There has to be a level of respect for intimate interpersonal relationships, not just for oneself, but for the other as well. Being gay, does not define who a person is, but is truly an intrinsic part of who they really are. It is the lens through which they see the world and it should be celebrated for what it really is. I hope that you're friend is doing ok. I hope that he is getting by, and making sense out of the scary world we seem to live in. I do have some contacts in the CO area as well as some other things if he ever wants to know, just ask. Just know that for him, the world may seem an empty, desolate and lonely place. Sometimes as a LGBT person it feels as if no one can possibly understand or that there are others out there like us. But he is not alone. In fact there are so many people out there who truly are impacted by this amazing experience of loving someone. He merely has to open his eyes. There is a rich and vibrant culture within our society. A depth of history that has created this great country of ours, a history that INCLUDES gay and lesbian persons. Since the dawn of man, we have existed and we will continue to exist and we must not be affraid of it, but we must embrace and love it. Have your friend do some research on "gay history" and help him to learn about what love is. Have him read "Einstiens Dreams" By Alan Lightman. Read Shakespears Romeo and Juliet, and Twelvth Night. Watch the Movies "The Hours" with Nicole Kidman as well as "American Beauty" "Kinsey", "Saved" "Pleasantville" and "Closer". Listen to Sarah Mclachlan's "Witness" as well as coldplay. hahaha. But most of all, remind him to dream. Dream as big and as grand as he wants to dream, and never to let go. To fight with all his heart, and to never give in to what people tell him he should be, but to become who he always has been. Tell him to go outside, to look up and see how great the sky is, then to look to the trees and see how great they are, then to look at the bark, then the leaves, then teh cells that make up those leaves and realize how amazing they really are. Then look at another and see how great and amazing they are, they hands, the eyes, the nose, the arms, legs, fingers and toes. Then look to his own hands, his fingers, and cells and realize wow how great. I could go on and on about this my friend, but ultimately, I hope that this initial stuff helps. Please let me know if I can do any more. Also, please read the attachments and let him read them as well. They will be good not just for him, but for you as well. Thanks so much and I hope things turn out okay:)Ryan PSREAD IT ALL!!!!hahaOn Mon, 30 Jan 2006 08:43:58 -0800 (PST) Maggie Reinsvold writes:Hey Ryan!!This is Sarah (steve's sister). I hope you are doing awesome in Washington!! How are you and your family? I know we all miss you guys out here!!I need your help/advice. One of my best friends recently came out. Right know I am the only one who knows. I really wanted to help him get through how to tell his family and the rest of our friends. He's struggling with it right now because there is the possibility they won't be as open. I am truly amazed and impressed by all the work Steve has told me about that you have done at Gonzaga and in general. Do you have any advice for him? He doesn't have an email, or at least one he uses a lot. Thank you so much!!Sarah