In the Eyes of the Beholder

You know I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what beauty is and what it is people see in each other when they think of beauty. For many in our society, mainly in the mainstream media, beauty comes in the form of 6 ft tall size 6 women that have large breasts and long legs. In regards to men, it is becoming the ideal to have a six pack, a nice set of pecs and a chiseled face. All Asthetic, all things based upon our physical traits as human beings. In the media, there seems to be a cookie cutter shape and form for what beauty is. However the more I think about it, the more I have come to realize that every person in this world has different things that are attractive to them. Not only that, but white, blonde and fit people are not the only form of beauty in this world. Our society has looked past the beauty of many other cultures, and sizes and shapes that create this universe. While it is striving to be better in all these areas, emphasis is still placed on the asthetic appearances, rather than the intrinsic qualities within a person. I’m sorry, but the last thing I want is a man who is all looks, but has no personality, no heart, and no intelligence. We treat beauty as if it is something we need to survive. The beauty of Youth is so valued in our culture, that when we get to our golden years we start to de-value ourselves because we are no longer considered beautiful in the same sense. Why is this? And how does this play out in our interpersonal relationships?

For me, and one of the saddest things about this, is the fact that I feel like what we have become is objects to each other. When we are out there searching for that special someone, what are we really looking for? What is it that draws us to one another and what traits are attractive to us. If all we can think about while we’re pursuing someone is how beautiful they are, what they look like, or what we will look like together, than how is that treating the other person with any kind of love or compassion or understanding. There is a little saying out there, and yes it comes from a religious text or two or eight, but that doesn’t mean it has no value. It is called “ do unto others as you would have done to you”. I think about this, and I ask myself, do I want to be viewed in that way. Do I want someone to only see what lies at the surface? Do I merely want to be some thing, as opposed to some one? Do I want to be objectified? Do I want to be treated as a scrap of meat? And in this thought process I also think of “Love thy neighbor” and I think, what if I met the next Albert Einstien, Rosa Parks, Elanoorre Roosevelt or Martin Luther King, and I never took the time to get to know them? Never took the time to understand the true beauty that lies within all of us?

I’ve been used before, and I’m not going to lie, I’ve used before as well. I cannot say I regret it, only because I would not have come to the understandings of life I now have because of those experiences. I’m not perfect by any means, but I do know how painful those times were for me. I do know what it was like to look into some ones eyes and only see my own reflection, to see no depth or life, but simply the here, now and present. I couldn’t see within them, the pain I carried deep within my own heart. The loneliness, the isolation and the confusion of who I was. I didn’t realize at the time, they they were in as much pain as I was, and that my treatment of them, their treatment of me was contributing to my hurt/ their hurt more so than it was helping. The temporary moments of holding someone, of being in the arms of another, were small breaks in a long road of hurt, and made the road even darker when upon reflection I would realize that they were nothing but the moment, nothing but meaningless and emotionless aspects of my life.

The tears that would later flow from my heart, became from my own self hatred my own self loathing. It was from my realization that the objectification of another, the objectification of myself, contributed no more to my happiness or my well being than all of the hurtful words others would use in my direction. I realized then that if I wanted to be okay, if I wanted others to see more than just WHAT I was, but who I was, I had to start seeing WHO other people were too. I couldn’t just see someone for what they were, but truly for WHO they were.

In this discovery I have finally understood the beauty of life, humanity. The understanding that there are so many different types of beauty in this world, so many different ways to interpret life and so many different ways to live. I realized that to see a person, to love a person, is to see within their soul. To know who they are completely and to love them anyway, unconditionally. With all of my heart and soul. I’ve learned that to fall in love with a person, is to see all of them, and to live life is to say that you know who you are, but also that you know who others are as well. To live life, is to love life and to love life, one needs only to look around them and see what is truly there. They need to look at the sky, the trees, the leaves, the roots, the trunk, the grass, your own hands, the lines on your hands, the finger tips, and then, the eyes of another.
I’ve learned that to know a person, you have to take the time to listen. And before we hate, before we objectify and abuse, we must understand the inner most depths of the human soul.

To All the People OUt There Who think they know what it means to be Homosexual

You know what's funny, you all talk about "gays" as if in this group of over 100,000 there aren't several gays here. I myself am a gay man, I am a part of this group and I am insulted by a lot of your comments. I think it's grotesque that you sit here assuming that everyone here is straight, that you are the only people on the planet to understand what it must mean to be gay, and further more, your blind fear shows itself in the quite primitive way you choose to view the subject.

I will have you know that sexuality is a fluid thing, one that exists in both you and I. In fact, what I think is so funny, is that I do sexually what many straight folk do, if not far less. Do you wanna talk about what I do in bed? Do I wanna hear about what you do in bed....not really. So I hink we all can agree that what ever "abomination" happens behind my closed doors, is the same kind of abomination that occurs behind your closed doors.
What's interesting about the religious take on it, the "sin" value of being gay, or more pointedly, is the fact that public opinion in this regard is so hypocritical. I mean, fine call sodomoy a sin and accuse anyone and everyone whose ever done it or even thought of it as going to hell. Deny them the right to be public about their relationships, fire them from their jobs, deny them the right to serve in our military, tell them that when their significant other is dying in the hospital, that they can't be with them, tell them that because they are a sodomite they can't have kids. Call them names, kick them out of their homes if you are their parents, etc, etc, etc.
But, if we do that for sodomy, then why not masturbation, why not the same discrimination that happens in society. Why don't we refuse the right to recieve medical insurance for anyone that's ever masturbated, deny them the right to marry a person whom they love. Prevent them from ever being alone, as parents kick them out of our homes and onto the streets, bully these "masturbators" in our schools, making them drop of out college.
The same goes for anyone that has ever had pre-marital sex, or anyone for that matter that has ever had sexual relations without the intent of creating life. Anyone who has ever had a wet dream, the list goes on and on. There are so many "sins"; "sins" which all are supposed to be seen as the same sin and treated with love and respect to "cure", and yet this one group of individuals is separated from our society, cast to the dark corners of our world and we talk about them as if they are over there.
What no one gets is that we live in and amongst you, some of us are you, and it's so funny that you all assume you're the only ones that knows what it's like to "live" a certain way. You assume I am immoral, a low life, a sinner, anything but a fellow human being like yourself. You assume that I do not love the person I am with, male or female and you degrade my very existence when you haven't even met me.
You have never walked through my shoes, nor have you seen the world through my eyes, and how dare you assume that my life is anything but beautiful, kind, loving, and all in all an amazing adventure that I too have been blessed to have, by the very same Creator, man, woman, it, that created you. My friends, we may have been created of different dusts, but are we all not human? Do I not bleed, as you bleed when someone cuts us? Do I not go home at night and cry myself to sleep, as you cry yourself to sleep when someone defiles our human dignity? Do I not laugh at myself when I make a mistake as you laugh at yourself? Do I not breathe in the same cool crisp air as you do on a winters day?
Prejudice speaks for itself, and I hope that as you re-read these entries you see how filled of it your comments are. If you cannot see my life as sacred as yours is, then how is that love? How is that respect for you common man?
All I ask, is that you please remember that...that's all. It's not my place to tell you what to think, but at least try to remember that I too have a mother, I have a father, I have a family and friends that love me just as much as yours do you. If I was your brother, your sister, or your friend, would you still say such hurtful things? Who knows, maybe I am.....