You know I may not be married yet, I may not even be at that point in my life where I am even ready to be married….but I do know this, and that is that one day I hope to be married.
I grew up with many of the same fairy tales and fantasies as many of my friends did, dreams of finding that special someone to grow old with, someone to raise children with, to build a home together, have a dog, a white picket fence, the dream. The dream that each and every American usually has. It is my dream and has been my dream for my entire life.
I also grew up reading stories like Romeo and Juliet, tales about an unaccepted love and how two star struck lovers had to find love in the most desperate circumstances. Where they had to give up everything for each other, because that’s how deep their love ran.
You know as a gay man, I never thought that love would be my greatest calling, growing up in a world that told you, you were a pervert, ugly, strange, and a sinner, I always felt as if I would be cast away to the darkest corners of the earth. It’s why as a youth I felt so alone and so isolated from the world, scared to reveal this hidden truth about who I really was.
What brought me out of the closet wasn’t some class bully or an exposed act of discretion, rather it was the great love I had for a friend. It was the first time in my life I had ever had a best friend, a real friend, a person that would walk with me, stay with me after school and invite me to all the things he was doing. It was the greatest thing I ever had had, because for once I didn’t feel alone. No this was not some gay love affair, my friend is straighter then an arrow, but for me, it was a turning point because this person cared about me as much as I cared about him. I loved him a lot, as a person, as a human being just like anyone else.
And so what brought me out of the closet with him, is that I couldn’t bare lying to him, I couldn’t live with constantly asking myself, what if…..what if I were honest with him, would he still have been the wonderful sweet friend that I thought he was? Would he reject me as I had anticipated from the rest of the world? .....to be continued
Showing posts with label identity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label identity. Show all posts
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Gay Identity and Capitalism...A Challenge to D'Emillio
In my mind the concept of being socially constructed is two fold…its not so much that things in life are not inaliable or concrete, but rather our own perceptions of what is are based on social constructs that determine exactly what things are. From there when we organize our thoughts around a particular group of people or truths we tend to form generalizations or stereotypes that dictate how we are to perceive that group. This leads into the concept of historically situated when we start to interpret things not based on our own life conclusions but rather the historical context in which the particular item is in. For instance taking into account race, we now associate the idea of slavery with race whereas previously slavery was a part of war and was cross cultural and not dependent on ones race. Historically situated to me has everything to do with the way society is structured in that particular time and place. Even from our own time and place it’s interesting how we view other times and places.
Looking at the gay identity we can see that this in and of itself a social construction and so is the heterosexual identity. Historically speaking we can examine this in looking back into our past as we can see that from the dawn of man sexuality has been something that everyone engages in at one point or another in their lives and in many different ways. The whole concept of gay or straight actually has just come about as an identity, either or. We look to the romans, the greeks, and centuries before and we have to wonder, what was sexuality to them. For one thing, it wasn’t about love and it wasn’t about children. It was just a natural way of life. Some African tribes didn’t even know that children were a result of intercourse till later in their lives. They treated it as some miracle that simply happened to a woman slowly after she started to show signs of pregnancy. So historically it makes sense that to form an identity around ones sexuality is actually dependent on the historical relevance. So when D’Emillo makes the statement that the gay identity is a social construction around the concept of sexuality, I can understand what he means by that. That through the context of history we have socially constructed an identity surrounding ones sexual orientation. Where I think D’Emillo misses the point is looking only at the gay identity and not looking or examining the historical identity that surrounded concepts of heterosexuality that became normalized. When sexuality became a taboo and suddenly to have sex was not only sinful, but also only heterosexual, we created an identity, while not named, around the idea of a man and a woman being exclusively together.
We can also use this same comparison to examine gender itself and how in our world we have constructed this very notion that there are only to genders, and two sexes. Male and Female. When in reality, there are multiple genders and multiple sexes that do not fall within the subscribed categories that are required of our current social and political climate. We can look at our own culture in comparison with that of India where we see an acknowledgment of a third gender. Nanda describes in her article the identity of the Hijra, who are a group of people born intersexed or considered Eunuchs. They are seen as sacred and given an identity as such. These people are in fact individuals who exist within contemporary Indian culture that are regarded as sacred and majestic and to see that this exists in another country really says something about the way the rest of the world views and observes gender. It is a social construction and in India one that has a historical identity that relates quite strongly to Hinduism. If these concepts and ideas are so fluid as they are in India then what does it mean about gender. As a gender advocate I know first had in that there are more than one type of male or female or intersexed person and that these identities of male and or female are based solely on ones genitalia but just like mentioned above, are socially constructed ideals of what a man should be and what a woman should be.
Finally on the idea of their interconnectedness as presented by Hill Collins raises an interesting connection to the historically situated question and the socially constructed. What is all of these things if in the back of our minds we already have all of these ideas that our oppressed lives have already put into us. She states that many women in the early women’s movement actually forgot to examine their own oppressive powers from either their class or their skin color. And how each of us has some insights into the way the world is based on our certain innate characteristics that become socially ascribed. When we look at things in such a way as to become the oppressed when we take no initiative to see our own short comings than we can’t be true liberators for freedom and justice. We have to realize that we area all individuals apart of a society that directs us in various ways that have been socially constructed over time. Generalizations turn into stereotypes which turn into identities about the way a person is.
Ultimately for me, it has been about the idea or concept that we are all a part of a global system. What does it mean to be human, what is the common characteristic that all of us have? Why do we separate ourselves into these tiny boxes that do not match our personalities and whom we have to mask our true selves under. Your not back enough, or your too black. Your too gay or not gay enough. Your too girly or not girly enough. All of these things that play on a social construct that is neither true nor relevant to the lives we lead. I personally am who I am, and whatever box I may fit into, is a box I and I alone can fit into.
Where we go from here, the idea of agency is to recognize this and to recognize everyone for that individuality and find our common threads rather than divide ourselves through our various differences.
Question #3
I think one of the most important tasks in any life circumstance is the idea of agency or what a person does with what they have been given in life. I think Patricia’s point of even acknowledging that she had hidden biased that were bred into her from our own cultural systems was a huge step in understanding the cultural, social, historical and socially constructed way the world works. When we apply agency to our lives and allow ourselves to see it in others we have the chance to not see the world as such a dreary, unimaginable place.
I think when we are looking at Michael Yates piece about class, we can see that the man has done a lot to raise himself out of the poverty he faced as a youth. There is something to be said about all of the horrible institutions that force a person into poverty and the various ideologies and cultural issues that make life miserable for people. With people like Yates however, they find ways out of the systems they are in. Yates found his way in to the educational system and truly has found a way to change his social situation that has affected his life in such a deep and profound way. Yates showed through his life work that human agency can truly be utilized to create a better world for oneself. His class became a small obstacle in his life, even though he had gone through so much.
All in all I think human agency is a key ingredient to making the world a better place and ensuring that all people, not matter who they are, are given a fair chance at life.
Looking at the gay identity we can see that this in and of itself a social construction and so is the heterosexual identity. Historically speaking we can examine this in looking back into our past as we can see that from the dawn of man sexuality has been something that everyone engages in at one point or another in their lives and in many different ways. The whole concept of gay or straight actually has just come about as an identity, either or. We look to the romans, the greeks, and centuries before and we have to wonder, what was sexuality to them. For one thing, it wasn’t about love and it wasn’t about children. It was just a natural way of life. Some African tribes didn’t even know that children were a result of intercourse till later in their lives. They treated it as some miracle that simply happened to a woman slowly after she started to show signs of pregnancy. So historically it makes sense that to form an identity around ones sexuality is actually dependent on the historical relevance. So when D’Emillo makes the statement that the gay identity is a social construction around the concept of sexuality, I can understand what he means by that. That through the context of history we have socially constructed an identity surrounding ones sexual orientation. Where I think D’Emillo misses the point is looking only at the gay identity and not looking or examining the historical identity that surrounded concepts of heterosexuality that became normalized. When sexuality became a taboo and suddenly to have sex was not only sinful, but also only heterosexual, we created an identity, while not named, around the idea of a man and a woman being exclusively together.
We can also use this same comparison to examine gender itself and how in our world we have constructed this very notion that there are only to genders, and two sexes. Male and Female. When in reality, there are multiple genders and multiple sexes that do not fall within the subscribed categories that are required of our current social and political climate. We can look at our own culture in comparison with that of India where we see an acknowledgment of a third gender. Nanda describes in her article the identity of the Hijra, who are a group of people born intersexed or considered Eunuchs. They are seen as sacred and given an identity as such. These people are in fact individuals who exist within contemporary Indian culture that are regarded as sacred and majestic and to see that this exists in another country really says something about the way the rest of the world views and observes gender. It is a social construction and in India one that has a historical identity that relates quite strongly to Hinduism. If these concepts and ideas are so fluid as they are in India then what does it mean about gender. As a gender advocate I know first had in that there are more than one type of male or female or intersexed person and that these identities of male and or female are based solely on ones genitalia but just like mentioned above, are socially constructed ideals of what a man should be and what a woman should be.
Finally on the idea of their interconnectedness as presented by Hill Collins raises an interesting connection to the historically situated question and the socially constructed. What is all of these things if in the back of our minds we already have all of these ideas that our oppressed lives have already put into us. She states that many women in the early women’s movement actually forgot to examine their own oppressive powers from either their class or their skin color. And how each of us has some insights into the way the world is based on our certain innate characteristics that become socially ascribed. When we look at things in such a way as to become the oppressed when we take no initiative to see our own short comings than we can’t be true liberators for freedom and justice. We have to realize that we area all individuals apart of a society that directs us in various ways that have been socially constructed over time. Generalizations turn into stereotypes which turn into identities about the way a person is.
Ultimately for me, it has been about the idea or concept that we are all a part of a global system. What does it mean to be human, what is the common characteristic that all of us have? Why do we separate ourselves into these tiny boxes that do not match our personalities and whom we have to mask our true selves under. Your not back enough, or your too black. Your too gay or not gay enough. Your too girly or not girly enough. All of these things that play on a social construct that is neither true nor relevant to the lives we lead. I personally am who I am, and whatever box I may fit into, is a box I and I alone can fit into.
Where we go from here, the idea of agency is to recognize this and to recognize everyone for that individuality and find our common threads rather than divide ourselves through our various differences.
Question #3
I think one of the most important tasks in any life circumstance is the idea of agency or what a person does with what they have been given in life. I think Patricia’s point of even acknowledging that she had hidden biased that were bred into her from our own cultural systems was a huge step in understanding the cultural, social, historical and socially constructed way the world works. When we apply agency to our lives and allow ourselves to see it in others we have the chance to not see the world as such a dreary, unimaginable place.
I think when we are looking at Michael Yates piece about class, we can see that the man has done a lot to raise himself out of the poverty he faced as a youth. There is something to be said about all of the horrible institutions that force a person into poverty and the various ideologies and cultural issues that make life miserable for people. With people like Yates however, they find ways out of the systems they are in. Yates found his way in to the educational system and truly has found a way to change his social situation that has affected his life in such a deep and profound way. Yates showed through his life work that human agency can truly be utilized to create a better world for oneself. His class became a small obstacle in his life, even though he had gone through so much.
All in all I think human agency is a key ingredient to making the world a better place and ensuring that all people, not matter who they are, are given a fair chance at life.
My Observations of Masculinity in Brazil
My time in Brazil was a very eye opening experience. It allowed me to see the world through a whole new set of lenses and impacted my perceptions of how gender is played throughout the world.
One of the burning questions for me had to deal with the countries treatment towards it’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people and it’s relation to the general heterosexual population. I found it interesting that compared to the United States, many areas of Brazil seemed to be far ahead in its ability for compassion and even acceptance.
Many of my observations come from contrasting my experience in the more traditional carnival in the older part of Salvador and my experiences in the highly energized and packed experience of carnival Bahia style. Both were full of examples that helped me to gain a greater appreciation for the way that the Brazilian society looks at and engages concepts of gender.
My first brush of gender in Brazil actually came the moment I stepped off the elevators that took you from the lower part of the city to the top. The very first thing I saw was a very public and open drag show competition to raise awareness about AIDS. It had an incredible impact on me. For this particular event to take place in a public square in a plaza that was so heavily trafficked, I couldn’t help but observe that it was not only a part of their culture but something that was accepted as a part of the norm.
I did notice however, that at this LGBT movement spectacle there weren’t as many open displays of affection and even more so, very few women present in the crowd. This would go well with one of the informal interviews I conducted with one of our tour guides, Carlos, who expressed in his own way to me, that being gay or lesbian in Brazil is socially accepted, as long as it is out of sight and out of mind. In that, just like mainstream America, it’s something that everyone knows about, but prefers to be left in the closet. Men will have relations with each other, but at the end of the day they go back to their “ordinary” lives complete with wife and child.
Now of course, during carnival, I’m not sure if this is an example of the once a year type of treatment a gay or lesbian person gets to “fit” in, or maybe Carlos’ own homophobia that prevented him from feeling safe enough to attend such an event as the AIDs benefit in the older part of town. I also noted that with several people I spoke with who went to Rio De Janeiro and parts of Salvador, that there were gay areas in town much like Greenwich Village in NYC or the Castro in San Francisco. These parts of town were thriving gay communities and that they were in fact integrated into the society. Another interview conducted with another of our tour guides, Eddie, informed me that gays in Brazil were allowed to legally adopt and if they had been living in the same household for more than 5 years, they then became legally bound to one another.
Looking at these issues through the lens of an outsider, it’s hard to grasp exactly where everyone is at in regards to these issues, especially since it is one of those things that is generally under the table. I can only make informal conclusions about what the gay community must experience and to that extent I can conclude that there are many areas in which the gay and lesbian community is thriving and accepted in Brazil, where at the same time there are many strides to be made to understanding LGBT issues and seeing it as a gender issue. Not unlike the United States.
To tap more into the gender non-conformity aspect of Brazil, I would like to examine too the cross dressing that took place during carnival and its impact on the trans gender community as well as the general society. I found it to be quite enriching and amazing to see some of the most masculine men a society is supposed to have, the police officers, dressing in drag. What an awesome site to see and beyond that, what does that say about this countries views of gender, of gender conformity, etc, etc? Again I point back to the fact that we were there during carnival and wonder how these people would be treated on an average day? What I did notice is that most of these men were dressed in similar fashions, such as many of the police officers, and then I did notice several individuals who were cross dressed, but when I saw them I also noticed some awkward looks and glances of disapproval from people who seemed to be locals. This obviously is an assumption on my part, but I felt like these young men in drag that I saw were taking a greater risk than those police men who, while dressed in drag, were all still wearing the same uniform. I also had the opportunity to witness carnival in a very small town north of Salvador, and I noticed there several men dressed in drag, so it is my assumption as a young man coming from Greeley, CO, that through their acceptance in a small town, they were more accepted than a person doing the same thing in a small town in America. But for the most part, I assume that at least during carnival, a person can let their freak out on a leash and be whatever they want, which is pretty cool.
In regards to the difference between heterosexual men and women, I did notice some gender roles being exhibited that were both surprising and not so surprising. One of the main elements that stuck out to me was the concept of the Gandy’s, or men dressed in white garb who had beads on and would confront women in a very aggressive and open manner to place a kiss on them. Custom would dictate that if you want beads, you just go up to one of them and give them a kiss and they will give you their beads. What I noticed though, is that several of them felt free enough to throw their beads around someone’s head, as if catching them and then plant a big one on them. It reminded me of the scene in Borat where his traditional custom for marriage was to capture his wife in a potatoe sack. The treatment of women as property, the fluidity of sexuality was very apparent during carnival, and the Gandy’s were a prime example of how mostly heterosexual women can have an excuse to make out with as many men a they possible can.
Another component to carnival that I noticed was that there were more men participating in the streets than women, or so it seemed. I couldn’t actually take a poll, but from what I observed it seemed like most of the men were out in the streets, and a lot of the women that I did see were either foreigners or selling things on the side of the road working the event. Now, I did see a lot of women up in the Camorote where I was stationed at, which might have been a place where women might have felt safer away from the assaults in the streets, a place that allowed them to go back and forth between the activities of the street.
The place I did see a lot of women participating in carnival is up in the more traditional part of town where I saw women playing drums, and partaking in every aspect of carnival that the men were. Just as the Gandy’s were up there, I saw lots of women in their traditional garb with the hoops skirts and traditional dress. A lot of it had to do with the religion of Candomble, but I also believe that it was part of their views of women’s roles, which I must say was quite elegant.
Another area that I was able to observe men and women was at the luxurious beaches that we went to in Prior De Forte. What I observed was men’s comfort with the short shorts of the speedo. Now we can all laugh and poke fun at the fact that I of all people noticed such things, but what I also observed was that many women were wearing a wide variety of clothing that did not subscribe to weight, height or beauty. It seemed to me that many people in general in Brazil were not as concerned with their appearances, what people thought of them or the clothes they were, specifically the ones that outlined every inch of their bodies. What this says to me through my lens, is two things…one, that image is not as important to the people of this culture. I didn’t see a lot of overweight people, but also not many people gave a great deal of attention to the way the world perceived them, both men and women. And second, what this tells me is that while there are many images both in our media and in their media, that people of this country are not inundated with things telling them that they must look a certain way, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Images are a very important part of American society, and to be quite honest with you, it is not something I saw a whole lot of in Brazil while I was there. There were not very many billboards in Brazil, and the very few that I did see were not of women in skimpy uniforms and not all sexualizing every product that they sold, including toothpaste. On all of the beer advertisements it was more about the products. It was a great surprise to see, and something that was telling of the cultures’ attitudes towards marketing, how people are treated, etc, etc.
All in all I thought that Brazil was very fluid in it’s gender norms and sexuality. I recognize that my observations were from the perspective of a man in America as well as at a time that the society of Brazil was not at it’s every day pace. So ultimately, my observations are raw and generalized, but I hope that they were somewhat accurate to the actual culture there.
One of the burning questions for me had to deal with the countries treatment towards it’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people and it’s relation to the general heterosexual population. I found it interesting that compared to the United States, many areas of Brazil seemed to be far ahead in its ability for compassion and even acceptance.
Many of my observations come from contrasting my experience in the more traditional carnival in the older part of Salvador and my experiences in the highly energized and packed experience of carnival Bahia style. Both were full of examples that helped me to gain a greater appreciation for the way that the Brazilian society looks at and engages concepts of gender.
My first brush of gender in Brazil actually came the moment I stepped off the elevators that took you from the lower part of the city to the top. The very first thing I saw was a very public and open drag show competition to raise awareness about AIDS. It had an incredible impact on me. For this particular event to take place in a public square in a plaza that was so heavily trafficked, I couldn’t help but observe that it was not only a part of their culture but something that was accepted as a part of the norm.
I did notice however, that at this LGBT movement spectacle there weren’t as many open displays of affection and even more so, very few women present in the crowd. This would go well with one of the informal interviews I conducted with one of our tour guides, Carlos, who expressed in his own way to me, that being gay or lesbian in Brazil is socially accepted, as long as it is out of sight and out of mind. In that, just like mainstream America, it’s something that everyone knows about, but prefers to be left in the closet. Men will have relations with each other, but at the end of the day they go back to their “ordinary” lives complete with wife and child.
Now of course, during carnival, I’m not sure if this is an example of the once a year type of treatment a gay or lesbian person gets to “fit” in, or maybe Carlos’ own homophobia that prevented him from feeling safe enough to attend such an event as the AIDs benefit in the older part of town. I also noted that with several people I spoke with who went to Rio De Janeiro and parts of Salvador, that there were gay areas in town much like Greenwich Village in NYC or the Castro in San Francisco. These parts of town were thriving gay communities and that they were in fact integrated into the society. Another interview conducted with another of our tour guides, Eddie, informed me that gays in Brazil were allowed to legally adopt and if they had been living in the same household for more than 5 years, they then became legally bound to one another.
Looking at these issues through the lens of an outsider, it’s hard to grasp exactly where everyone is at in regards to these issues, especially since it is one of those things that is generally under the table. I can only make informal conclusions about what the gay community must experience and to that extent I can conclude that there are many areas in which the gay and lesbian community is thriving and accepted in Brazil, where at the same time there are many strides to be made to understanding LGBT issues and seeing it as a gender issue. Not unlike the United States.
To tap more into the gender non-conformity aspect of Brazil, I would like to examine too the cross dressing that took place during carnival and its impact on the trans gender community as well as the general society. I found it to be quite enriching and amazing to see some of the most masculine men a society is supposed to have, the police officers, dressing in drag. What an awesome site to see and beyond that, what does that say about this countries views of gender, of gender conformity, etc, etc? Again I point back to the fact that we were there during carnival and wonder how these people would be treated on an average day? What I did notice is that most of these men were dressed in similar fashions, such as many of the police officers, and then I did notice several individuals who were cross dressed, but when I saw them I also noticed some awkward looks and glances of disapproval from people who seemed to be locals. This obviously is an assumption on my part, but I felt like these young men in drag that I saw were taking a greater risk than those police men who, while dressed in drag, were all still wearing the same uniform. I also had the opportunity to witness carnival in a very small town north of Salvador, and I noticed there several men dressed in drag, so it is my assumption as a young man coming from Greeley, CO, that through their acceptance in a small town, they were more accepted than a person doing the same thing in a small town in America. But for the most part, I assume that at least during carnival, a person can let their freak out on a leash and be whatever they want, which is pretty cool.
In regards to the difference between heterosexual men and women, I did notice some gender roles being exhibited that were both surprising and not so surprising. One of the main elements that stuck out to me was the concept of the Gandy’s, or men dressed in white garb who had beads on and would confront women in a very aggressive and open manner to place a kiss on them. Custom would dictate that if you want beads, you just go up to one of them and give them a kiss and they will give you their beads. What I noticed though, is that several of them felt free enough to throw their beads around someone’s head, as if catching them and then plant a big one on them. It reminded me of the scene in Borat where his traditional custom for marriage was to capture his wife in a potatoe sack. The treatment of women as property, the fluidity of sexuality was very apparent during carnival, and the Gandy’s were a prime example of how mostly heterosexual women can have an excuse to make out with as many men a they possible can.
Another component to carnival that I noticed was that there were more men participating in the streets than women, or so it seemed. I couldn’t actually take a poll, but from what I observed it seemed like most of the men were out in the streets, and a lot of the women that I did see were either foreigners or selling things on the side of the road working the event. Now, I did see a lot of women up in the Camorote where I was stationed at, which might have been a place where women might have felt safer away from the assaults in the streets, a place that allowed them to go back and forth between the activities of the street.
The place I did see a lot of women participating in carnival is up in the more traditional part of town where I saw women playing drums, and partaking in every aspect of carnival that the men were. Just as the Gandy’s were up there, I saw lots of women in their traditional garb with the hoops skirts and traditional dress. A lot of it had to do with the religion of Candomble, but I also believe that it was part of their views of women’s roles, which I must say was quite elegant.
Another area that I was able to observe men and women was at the luxurious beaches that we went to in Prior De Forte. What I observed was men’s comfort with the short shorts of the speedo. Now we can all laugh and poke fun at the fact that I of all people noticed such things, but what I also observed was that many women were wearing a wide variety of clothing that did not subscribe to weight, height or beauty. It seemed to me that many people in general in Brazil were not as concerned with their appearances, what people thought of them or the clothes they were, specifically the ones that outlined every inch of their bodies. What this says to me through my lens, is two things…one, that image is not as important to the people of this culture. I didn’t see a lot of overweight people, but also not many people gave a great deal of attention to the way the world perceived them, both men and women. And second, what this tells me is that while there are many images both in our media and in their media, that people of this country are not inundated with things telling them that they must look a certain way, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Images are a very important part of American society, and to be quite honest with you, it is not something I saw a whole lot of in Brazil while I was there. There were not very many billboards in Brazil, and the very few that I did see were not of women in skimpy uniforms and not all sexualizing every product that they sold, including toothpaste. On all of the beer advertisements it was more about the products. It was a great surprise to see, and something that was telling of the cultures’ attitudes towards marketing, how people are treated, etc, etc.
All in all I thought that Brazil was very fluid in it’s gender norms and sexuality. I recognize that my observations were from the perspective of a man in America as well as at a time that the society of Brazil was not at it’s every day pace. So ultimately, my observations are raw and generalized, but I hope that they were somewhat accurate to the actual culture there.
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