Passing in a world that won't allow most to be genuinely who they are...

I want us to reflect on our ability to "pass" in a
heterosexual dominant culture. How much to we value
our ability to pass? Why do we value it?

Passing has everything to do with gender norms within our society. The
Straight acting-gay guy or the lipstick lesbian are devices within our own
community that count us in with the greater world. And what¹s even more
appalling is that the ³straighter² you are, the more revered you are amongst
fellow lgbt folk. I think it says a lot about the internalized homophobia
amongst many LGBT people. We have been raised in a culture that has told us
there is an either or. You are like this or you like that, and there is no
in between. So while we may have come to terms with our own personal
identities, we still hold these superficial expectations of one another to
be ³normal².
In our own culture, how many times have we heard one another bashing the
³flammy gay² or the ³butch lesbian²? Where does this stem from and why do we
propagate the same fear used against ourselves? As a community I feel we
value ³passing² all too much and glorify something that at the same time
diminishes our existence as human beings. It takes away from our identities
because it boxes us into to these categories of what we can and cannot be.
This is the greatest asset bisexual and transgender people provide the
lesbian and gay portions of our community because they blur the distinctions
between black and white. What does it mean when a male identifies as a
woman, or a female identifies as a man? Those Gender Queer kids out there
rock because they challenge the cultural assumptions placed on people
because of their sex, including assumptions about ones sexual orientation.
It¹s not to say that there aren¹t genuine straight acting gay men within
our community or lipstick lesbians, but as a collective whole, why do we
place so much value in these individuals more so than someone who strays
away from gender role expectations. I think this aspect of our community is
a depiction of what we all genuinely desire and that is to be embraced,
loved and accepted by the greater whole. Why we have issues with an
effeminate young man or a tomboy young woman is interesting, but something
we should all work to combat. It is best in these situations not to look
outside, but rather reflect upon our individual selves and where our
insecurities lie. I feel that by steering clear of those whom stray away
from gender norms, we create a fear within ourselves of becoming ³outcast².
But the beauty of where we can go is that by embracing those people on the
fringes, we then allow ourselves to discover and explore uncharted
territory. We can be fuller people because we allow ourselves to experience
more of life rather than just a masculine side or a feminine side. I don¹t
like to think of anyone as gay or straight, black or white, male or female,
or even masculine or feminine, but rather human. Within each human being
their lies the capacity for all of these character traits to exist and it¹s
all about allowing ourselves and each other to be open to such
possibilities.
Passing in essence makes it easier in a sense to get through life living
in a hetero-dominant culture as a self identified gay or lesbian person.
However, in doing so, it hinders both our ability as a queer community to
have our relationships and lives seen as equal and valid, as well as
restricting our individual abilities to be complete human persons.