Love and it's conceptions

In the heterosexual world we've all grown up in, what is your concept of love (or an intimate interpersonal relationship), especially between two people of the same gender or as human beings in general? And how have you come to that idea or conception?

“Love is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves” William Shakespeare. I think that lesbian and gay relationships have the potential to rock our entire world and its hopeless romantic notions of love and commitments. I think our LGBT community offers a true test to the status quo of relationships and that is, what does it mean when two people who are completely equal in every way want to be together? What does that relationship look like? How is it conceived in a world where gender roles have played a huge part in the make up of relationships; where your gender is the impetus for a relationship and what you do? Everything from courting behaviors, to duties in marriage and the later years, gender has become a pivotal piece to the make up of a relationship. Have you ever been asked by someone about your gay or lesbian relationship, “Who’s the man, and who’s the woman?” Culturally we don’t seem to be able to get away from this idea of gendered roles within a relationship.
When as a community, we challenge those core beliefs and ideas about the make up of love, I can’t help but feel invigorated and overwhelmed with the outcomes of what our love may mean for the greater world. Just imagine what a relationship would look like if duties and responsibilities within a relationship weren’t dictated by a person’s genitalia, but by the individual desires of either person within that loving bond. In a same sex couple, who opens the door on a date? Who pays? Who pulls out the other’s chair? Who proposes to whom? Who raises the kids? Who goes to work? Who does the dishes or mows the lawn, and on and on and on? The greater question is do these responsibilities have to be dictated by ones gender and what are the implications of this fact?
For me, it means that within a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, the bond becomes not about what roles are fulfilled, but about something deeper and much more important, and that is the human spirit. The interconnection between two people where what draws you to someone isn’t all of these societal expectations placed on us from birth, but the raw and uncensored emotion that is created between two people within any relationship. It means that whoever we are, we take more time to understand one another, to communicate effectively and understand in-depthly the person that you love. Love in its ideal becomes about the soul, the most authentic part of a person and a relationship is born out of ones interconnection with someone, rather than ones place in society as male or female. Love transcends all obstacles of oppression, power, and dominance within our world when we pause to value one another for all that we may bring to the table as one human being to another.
I have come to this world view through my own personal relationships with people; from the love of my family and friends to the very deep and raw emotions of falling in love and falling out of love. It is the depth of my heart and soul for people I care about that has helped me to appreciate the full range of what love could mean. Love to me impacts every relationship from the random person you meet on the street to the deepest and most intimate interpersonal relationships you may have for the rest of your life. When one acts in love, when one treats others with love, is when you acknowledge another person’s humanity.
If as a community we come to embrace one another in a human way; one that is free from degradation, objectification, and discrimination, then we can begin to have meaningful, deep and spiritual connections with other people. Because of this, our movement has the opportunity to change the world. It is our destiny to make love something of our own, something beautiful and wise. The greatest thing about being a gay or lesbian person is that our love has not been defined; a definition that can be as grand and colossal as we want it to be, a love that is so deep and true that it can never be broken. “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver” Barbara De Angelis.

Observations of Masculinity and Femininity in China

It was such an interesting experience for me visiting China in the last month of my life. It was one of those life changing events that I don’t know if I will ever be able to formulate into words. I had grown up learning so differently about the way China was that it was one of the most incredible culture shocks of my life.
I participated in a University visit to Peking University and had the time of my life. There I truly gained a new understanding for the people of China and the way of life they lead. Looking at Gender roles was quite unique for me. I had the opportunity to observe gender roles in three different cities as well as the opportunity to experience many different aspects of Chinese culture. I was in Hong Kong, Beijing, and Qingdao where I went to a couple lesbian and gay bars, Disneyland, a university, several temples and tourist attractions, and cultural experiences. I would say my Chinese experience was the most well rounded and culturally rich experience I had thus far on the journey.
What I noticed most of all was the gender roles and how on the surface it seemed pretty equal. There was still a lot of inequality in regards to gender.
The first day in Hong Kong we went to Disneyland where I observed gender roles in ways that I think might be a western import. They had all of their costumes on and performing roles such as waitresses and things like that. But one of the most shocking things about Hong Kong was when I visited the gay and lesbian bars that night with several of my friends. The bars were segregated into two distinct bars that were for only women and only men. On top of that they were closely associated with the sex parlors that would line every other floor in the back of a deep dark ally. This told me that it was still a backwards underground part of the society, but a part of the society none the less.
When we would walk into the bars we would notice that they were exclusively for men and for women and when we tried walking into a gay bar, they physically pushed us out of the doors because we had so many women there with us. We then went to another bar where we were welcomed because we had only two guys with us and many more women.
At the lesbian bar, it was interesting because all of the Chinese women hhung out together in a little click and they there was us. It was fun, we noticed there were a few men in the group but we soon realized that they were men. We learned after talking to them that in lesbian culture, they take on gender roles. So in lesbian relationships, they will still play into the roles assigned to men and women in society. Now maybe this is more to do with social pressures of fiting the norms, but at the same time it may just be because they are still getting used to the idea of two women being together as women o two men being together as men. The biggest thing that stuck out to me was just the simple fact that there was no transgender identity. It was you were either gay or tstraight and while there were cross dressing people, there was still no identity associated with them No label that they could form a community around. If I was a t ransgendered person in this society I would have to align myself with the gay and lesban community also still associated with deviancy.
While I was in Bejing visiting the university another thing I noticed was the cultural shiness of the women in the room. It’s not that they weren’t outgoing or open, but they were all very reserved and quiet. Maybe this has something to do with the religious practice of respecting space and not interfering with it, just like I noticed in Japan, but at the same time I also felt it had a little more to do with gender roles and gender construction. The women of the group seemed to be reserved and quiet which I attributed to their roles in society as passive and non-aggressive compared to the men who were very outgoing and very willing to do things that the women were more reserved to doing. In fact I noticed in our questioning of them that the men seemed to be more willing to engage in dialogue about social politics and things of that nature than the women were. Maybe that had something to with their views on confrontation or not, but that is something I definitely noticed.
Another striking component dealing with both masculinity and femininity was the fact that when I would speak to people they were all very soft spoken. Maybe they aren’t and I am just very loud, but for instance, our tour guide was a very soft spoken man and we had a hard time understanding him over the mike. We kept saying could you turn it up please, could you turn it up? But then our trip leader go ton and we understood her just fine and could hear her clearly. It was something I noticed not only in Chinese but in eastern cultures. Everywhere I went people were so quiet which I really valued. Like when I was in Hiroshima and I could here the jingling of keys in a mans pockets several meters away. It is something that I really liked and reminded me of why I like morning so much, because everything seems to be in so much peace and harmony.
Ultimately in China I realized greatly the gender disparities between men and women and these I feel stem primarily from a historical identity surrounded by the differences in men and women. These differences vary from the jobs that people have, to the every day roles that they undertake. The people I spoke with and the things I saw around the city would dictate to me this gender disparity, but as I examine it, not as much as when I’m in the United States. The advertising was nothing like Japan where women became objectified. No, women in China didn’t seem to be seen as sexually explicit, which I appreciated, and yet at the same time I wonder how open sexuality is there.
All in all, China was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I truly loved every minute of it!!